When you are raised Roman Catholic you are always on the lookout for the other shoe to drop. Something good happening in your life? There’ll be a negative just around the corner. So it seems is the case once again in my life.
In recent weeks I was forced to work an ungodly number of hours at work. What got me through was the knowledge that I would have extra cash to put towards paying down debt. Sure enough the paycheck was padded and I intended to make an extra payment on the credit card. I looked over my financial plan (if you can deem to call it that) and was at least satisfied that I was making slow progress.
Well, just as the house seems able to sniff out my tax return, life took a bite out of those plans. The car needs a new part - $300-400 gone. Worse yet, one of my cats is now seriously ill and the emergency vet bill and the vet bill today - $350 gone. All the extra money and a bit more - into the debt vacuum. Did I mention it was time to order another fill on the propane tank?
Well, despite all this whining, there is a more philosophical point here.
I struggle with control. No matter how laid back I think I have become I am still by nature a control freak. At work for the most part this is a good thing. It has allowed me to organize the hell out of Home Infusion, while driving my work partner a bit crazy. She, however, is mildly dyslexic and not exactly organized. We have butted heads over the years, but in the end she sees the purpose of most of my system changes.
In my personal life it gets to be a bit more complicated. I struggle most days with my messy house. The control freak thinks there should be order, but the body is just too damn tired. The result is a constant low grade feeling of guilt - I am a bad person because my house is messy.
Of course, then I am really hit with a bombshell. One of my adorable cats - Abby - has Feline Leukemia.
She had been spending a greater amount of time in the basement lately, but by Sunday I could see that something was clearly wrong. She was very lethargic and dopey. After the emergency vet visit and the visit today, I now know and expect that she will die in the not too distant future. Her illness is not treatable and it is simply a question of keeping her comfortable. The steroid therapy is helping boost her bone marrow, but it is likely to be temporary only.
Her sister is likely to test positive for FLV, but may or may not ever develop illness from it.
The words of sympathy and prayers are abundant on Facebook and I am grateful for them all. However, I am facing this crisis with a relatively calm spirit. This is beyond my control.
Yes, it is very sad that I will lose this beautiful cat so soon. However, in all likelihood she got this virus from her mother - in other words it was going to happen. When I adopted her I adopted a cat with a short life span. The alternative would be that she simply didn’t exist. That is not an option I would choose.
How does the song go from Rent? “There’s only this, there’s only now…” I will love, cherish and care for her with the time we have together and accept that for what it is. It would be wrong to waste any of our time together wishing for something else.
The life of one cat is so meaningless against the larger tragedies of this world. However, with this illness, I have been granted the opportunity to adjust my attitude once again. I have been reminded that life for all of us fleeting. Death is beyond our control. We must all live in the moment and cherish the beings that we are walking with along the path.
UPDATE: Sister Cal has tested negative for the virus! This means either she was lucky and didn't catch the virus from mom or she did and her body successfully fought it off. Either way she has been started on the FLV vaccination regimen. Abby's blood work on Wednesday was an improvement from Sunday night so she is showing a strong ability to fight. There's a very small possibility that she could go into remission and surprise us all, so please keep the prayers coming. Peace.
In recent weeks I was forced to work an ungodly number of hours at work. What got me through was the knowledge that I would have extra cash to put towards paying down debt. Sure enough the paycheck was padded and I intended to make an extra payment on the credit card. I looked over my financial plan (if you can deem to call it that) and was at least satisfied that I was making slow progress.
Well, just as the house seems able to sniff out my tax return, life took a bite out of those plans. The car needs a new part - $300-400 gone. Worse yet, one of my cats is now seriously ill and the emergency vet bill and the vet bill today - $350 gone. All the extra money and a bit more - into the debt vacuum. Did I mention it was time to order another fill on the propane tank?
Well, despite all this whining, there is a more philosophical point here.
I struggle with control. No matter how laid back I think I have become I am still by nature a control freak. At work for the most part this is a good thing. It has allowed me to organize the hell out of Home Infusion, while driving my work partner a bit crazy. She, however, is mildly dyslexic and not exactly organized. We have butted heads over the years, but in the end she sees the purpose of most of my system changes.
In my personal life it gets to be a bit more complicated. I struggle most days with my messy house. The control freak thinks there should be order, but the body is just too damn tired. The result is a constant low grade feeling of guilt - I am a bad person because my house is messy.
Of course, then I am really hit with a bombshell. One of my adorable cats - Abby - has Feline Leukemia.
She had been spending a greater amount of time in the basement lately, but by Sunday I could see that something was clearly wrong. She was very lethargic and dopey. After the emergency vet visit and the visit today, I now know and expect that she will die in the not too distant future. Her illness is not treatable and it is simply a question of keeping her comfortable. The steroid therapy is helping boost her bone marrow, but it is likely to be temporary only.
Her sister is likely to test positive for FLV, but may or may not ever develop illness from it.
The words of sympathy and prayers are abundant on Facebook and I am grateful for them all. However, I am facing this crisis with a relatively calm spirit. This is beyond my control.
Yes, it is very sad that I will lose this beautiful cat so soon. However, in all likelihood she got this virus from her mother - in other words it was going to happen. When I adopted her I adopted a cat with a short life span. The alternative would be that she simply didn’t exist. That is not an option I would choose.
How does the song go from Rent? “There’s only this, there’s only now…” I will love, cherish and care for her with the time we have together and accept that for what it is. It would be wrong to waste any of our time together wishing for something else.
The life of one cat is so meaningless against the larger tragedies of this world. However, with this illness, I have been granted the opportunity to adjust my attitude once again. I have been reminded that life for all of us fleeting. Death is beyond our control. We must all live in the moment and cherish the beings that we are walking with along the path.
UPDATE: Sister Cal has tested negative for the virus! This means either she was lucky and didn't catch the virus from mom or she did and her body successfully fought it off. Either way she has been started on the FLV vaccination regimen. Abby's blood work on Wednesday was an improvement from Sunday night so she is showing a strong ability to fight. There's a very small possibility that she could go into remission and surprise us all, so please keep the prayers coming. Peace.
2 comments:
When you are raised Roman Catholic you are always on the lookout for the other shoe to drop.
I think that's the basic Judeo-Christian belief in a nutshell, because I don't know anyone who wasn't raised with it. :)
Also... it does seem to hold true a great deal of the time.
That's all I got, along with more hugs and prayers for you and Abby.
Messy house? What is this messy house you speak of? LOL
I am looking at doing some remodeling, which means I probably need to throw out everything I own and start over. I've enlisted the help of a friend who will laugh and toss it in the dumpster as I protest.
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