Sunset Musings...

I have had a rather strange day. I have spent the day napping intermittently. Honestly, I mostly slept today. This, of course, triggered full throttle, neurotic, rumination that I am sinking ever more deeply into the morass. I also spent some time pondering how my favorite deadly sins appear to be sloth, lust and gluttony--well, not so much lust anymore.

Essentially I had to wrestle with myself for providing my body with what it was craving. It is so easy to beat ourselves up for our desires or for feeding those desires or for succumbing to temptation. Why do we do this? I was raised a second/third generation Polish Catholic - where does this Puritan shit come from?

The week started with unbearable humidity that made sleep last weekend difficult. In addition, my neuropathy is worsening. Since just before the whole diabetes fiasco began, I had started to develop carpal tunnel symptoms in my hands and feet (technically tarpal tunnel down there). Two out of three of my doctors believe it to be related to the fluctuating blood sugar levels.

I get up in the morning and walk like a very old man because of how my feet feel. Lately my shoulders and knees have felt the need to clamber for my attention as well. Worst of all are my hands, this week especially, they are at varying times numb, weak, and painful. This has been waking me up regularly around 3:30 AM. The point of this whining is that I have some damn good reasons to feel tired and so I spent most of the day in bed and in my pajamas.

I'm weird enough as it is, but all that sleep (and, yes, the bed felt simply wonderful each time) and no contact with the outside world - I don't have television and I had turned the phone off - by early evening I was feeling a bit strange.

I showered and got dressed around 6:30 PM, rustled up the dogs and got them lockec up downstairs and drove into town to get a cheeseburger. On my way home I snapped a few shots with my new camera phone.

I hope to begin painting and my good friend Mary is going to show me the ropes. I am starting to work with color and she has advised me to take snaps of images that I want to remember. She asked me what I wanted to paint and I thought immediately of layers of light and color. I love late afternoon horizontal light. I'm also fascinated by finding geometry and depth. Words don't really describe well what I'm thinking.

My strange day is drawing to a close. Trace bits of neurosis and guilt linger in the air. I have plenty to whine about, plenty to be thankful for, challenges to meet, and doubt, lots of doubt, over how I am living my life. My saving grace is being able to see that most, if not all, the people in my life have their own assortment of same.

Peace.