Ongoing Power Struggle Gets Bloody

First off, my thanks to Wishbone (one of my favorite restaurants in Chicago) for providing me with a perfect image for this post. They have a few locations now - the original, west of the Loop by Harpo Studios, one in Oak Park, and, I believe, another on the North Side.

Yes, I am sad to report that a major power struggle has been occurring here in the North Woods of Michigan, amongst members of the Shell Pack.

Sometime Wednesday morning, the venerable Senior Cabinet Member, Czar's Benjamin Franklin, known affectionately to the world as "Frankie," was brutally attacked while taking his morning constitutional.

Given his stoic nature and endearing humility, Frankie kept this attack to himself, returning to the house looking like he had decided to splash a bit in a muddy puddle, but giving no other signs that he was injured or distressed. However, later in the day his injuries had gotten the better of him and prevented him from greeting his Alpha (moi) when I returned home from errands. In fact, he was so quiet that I thought briefly that I had left home with him outside, and then I saw him curled up under the dining room table.

I still was unaware that there was a problem until later in the day when he appeared to be finicky about dinner - he did eventually clean his bowl, but he was very slow about it. His guarded behavior finally triggered enough concern that I put him up onto the ottoman and with a bright light was able to see what was going on.

I discovered two puncture wounds to his scalp between his right eye and ear and a tender/bloody spot below the right jaw. Clearly he had been grabbed by the right side and given a severe shake to the head. I initially freaked, but then I immediately calmed myself; he did, after all, eat his entire dinner, so he could not be feeling that badly, and, furthermore, he kept it down. I decided the best plan would be to simply keep an eye on his wounds.

My immediate suspect was Junior Minister of Defense, Madame Lola FaLana (a former show girl). Approximately a month and a half ago, Lola publicly berated Minister Frankie before witnesses, pinning him to the ground, and causing him to squeal like a little girl. When questioned for this piece, Ms. Lola replied, "No comment."

Things were going fairly well this week. Frankie continued to eat and drink without problems. Late this morning, however, I discovered significant swelling to his throat and the right side of his face. An emergency trip to the vet revealed an abscess that actually started to drain on it's own in the vet's office. The doc opened up the wound a bit more with hemostats and started Frank on some oral antibiotics.

All of this reveals that a major Coup d'etat is in the works, and Minister Frankie appears to be surrendering his top spot in the hierarchy to Madam Lola. When contacted for comment, Minister Frankie said, "Right now I just want to recover from my injuries in peace, thank you for your concern. I will have a formal statement to make in the not so distant future."

***THIS JUST IN***

Not to be outdone by all the attention paid to Ministers Frankie and Lola, Cultural Attache Zoe "Hey What About Me--Is That Food?" Shell made a melodramatic attempt at suicide by consuming a Raid Ant Trap. Apparently all the attention over Frankie was causing her to feel neglected - that or she thought it was a highly unique chew toy/treat left for her in the guest bedroom closet.

Calls to the Vet and the dogs' Uncle Leighton in Berwyn, IL, revealed that though labeled as hazardous to children and pets, the ingredient is essentially non-toxic and may have the added benefit (according to the vet) of worming Minister Zoe.

Throughout all this, Director of Homeland Security Cosmo remained calm and was allegedly quoted as saying, "Hey, can I go outside again? Can I? Can I please? I really want to go outside! Can I, huh?" while rapidly turning circles.

News at 11...