Last Night I Dreamed Of Potatoes

Yes, I did. There was something about a wedding celebration and lots of food - particularly starchy carbs - a big steaming bowl of mashed with butter and dill, extra large baked Idahos with a ton of sour cream and chives and a couple of other dishes that faded into the haze as I woke up. I had already eaten a full serving of each and the hostess figure in the dream pushed seconds on me and it turned out it was a huge serving because it was all that was left and we wouldn't want it to go to waste. Damn it tasted good.

I guess I'm grieving this on a deeper level than I realize. Yesterday was a challenging day - in true depressive manner I slept a lot and didn't do much of anything. I broke down and had a box of Target fancy macaroni and cheese. My sugars actually responded better than expected. I was tempted, however, to put up a status on Facebook that read: Collapsing under the weight of "for the rest of your life."

Today is another day, however. It is sunny instead of grey, breezy and cool instead of rainy and damp. My average glucose level for the past 3 days is now down to 115. I would be more excited by that except that I remember that it is the insulin, not the departure of the illness. I don't want this. I want it gone now.

As before, I appreciate all the words of encouragement and attaboys. This blog is about putting my obsessive self awareness into print, perhaps for the benefit of others. With God's help and your love and kindness, folks, I will get through this and come out the other side hopefully medicine free.

PS - Cyber prayers for my good buddy and fellow secular monastic, Maria -- she has a rather difficult chore ahead of her this week that she's not looking forward to doing.