"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal..."I am the oldest of four kids. When I was growing up, my mom was extremely concerned about being fair. She was determined to treat her kids equally, and so a box of cookies was parceled out accordingly to ensure we each received the same number of cookies. To this day we have a family joke that when ever something happens with my one brother, we chalk it up to the fact that he "didn't get to have braces like the other kids." My mom wanted to be sure she treated us equally, but she didn't treat us as if we were the same.
I've been thinking lately how in our culture we have really started to confuse the two concepts. In the aim of wanting to establish equality we often tend to push sameness.
Perhaps one of the touchiest areas concerns gender. Do individuals deserve to be treated equally regardless of whether they are male or female? Absolutely. Does that mean that men and women are the same - not at all. I believe there are inherently different qualities that differentiate between masculine and feminine and that the tendency biologically is that we find a larger share of the feminine in biologically female humans and a larger share of the masculine in biologically male.
If you see, I am laying the groundwork for some over lap and variation. I myself am a gay man who enjoyed dress up and playing with dolls as a kid. It was what I was drawn to do. I was fortunate that my parents didn't challenge me and try and force me into more appropriate play. I, therefore, have a larger than usual portion of feminine in my biologically male body.
From a distance I have watched as my niece and nephew grow. My nephew has developed a strong love of trains and trucks. My niece loves pink girly stuff and dolls and baby buggies. In the past I would have argued that such behavior is strictly socialized. However, my brother and his wife have treated their kids like my mom treated me. They let the kids follow their own desires in play.
So what does this mean in terms of the fight for equality for women? This is where the same vs. equal confusion arises. We should continue to work towards providing equal opportunity, but we should back away from arguments of sameness.
Business, politics, science...those arenas are dependent on intellectual strengths. Diversity of opinion and thought is important. There should be a healthy balance in filling these positions between the genders. Differences between men and women do not come into play.
Firefighters, combat soldiers, construction workers...these jobs also have physical demands placed upon them and it is right and proper that only individuals who can meet the criteria be allowed to serve in those roles. Does that mean that women should be banned from these jobs? No. However, given the physical differences between men and women generally, we have to accept that a larger portion of men will qualify then women. We should not look at a fire department that consists of 60 men and 8 women as being inherently unfair and discriminatory.
Same vs. equal.
When I came of age, being gay was no where near as accepted as it is today. We were a decided sub-culture living in the demimonde. Thirty or forty years ago there was a much stronger view in the sub-culture that we were experimenting with new ways of living - we were demanding equality, but we were not arguing that we were the same. The free love lifestyle that is often recast as a gay lifestyle by our detractors was anything but respectable.
The AIDS epidemic came along, however, and changed the arrangements.
Today many cities are celebrating 40 years of Pride with parades around the country. Folks are arguing about legalization of gay marriage. The whole dynamic has shifted to a primary focus on "We demand equality because we are just the same." I can't help thinking that by confusing sameness with equality, we are losing something.
Finally, I would like to talk about immigration, heritage, nationality. What is occurring in Arizona is ugly. The laws being put forth in the name of stemming out of control illegal border crossings are simply racist at worst and politically opportunistic at best.
This country has traditionally demanded of its immigrants that if they want equality they must make themselves the same. For the Irish and the Italians and the Poles and the Germans this was simply a question of a name change and the passing of a generation or two in the family before the language of the old country was lost - along with the traditions and history. For our Asian, Hispanic, Native, or African citizens though achieving sameness is physically impossible.
Culturally we now challenge the melting pot assumption and fight for equality without sameness. The backlash ends up looking like Arizona legislation. English only laws. Racial profiling. The emphasis of Christianity (alright and Judaism) against Islam.
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all humanity is created equal...and different. Get over it.
I've been thinking lately how in our culture we have really started to confuse the two concepts. In the aim of wanting to establish equality we often tend to push sameness.
Perhaps one of the touchiest areas concerns gender. Do individuals deserve to be treated equally regardless of whether they are male or female? Absolutely. Does that mean that men and women are the same - not at all. I believe there are inherently different qualities that differentiate between masculine and feminine and that the tendency biologically is that we find a larger share of the feminine in biologically female humans and a larger share of the masculine in biologically male.
If you see, I am laying the groundwork for some over lap and variation. I myself am a gay man who enjoyed dress up and playing with dolls as a kid. It was what I was drawn to do. I was fortunate that my parents didn't challenge me and try and force me into more appropriate play. I, therefore, have a larger than usual portion of feminine in my biologically male body.
From a distance I have watched as my niece and nephew grow. My nephew has developed a strong love of trains and trucks. My niece loves pink girly stuff and dolls and baby buggies. In the past I would have argued that such behavior is strictly socialized. However, my brother and his wife have treated their kids like my mom treated me. They let the kids follow their own desires in play.
So what does this mean in terms of the fight for equality for women? This is where the same vs. equal confusion arises. We should continue to work towards providing equal opportunity, but we should back away from arguments of sameness.
Business, politics, science...those arenas are dependent on intellectual strengths. Diversity of opinion and thought is important. There should be a healthy balance in filling these positions between the genders. Differences between men and women do not come into play.
Firefighters, combat soldiers, construction workers...these jobs also have physical demands placed upon them and it is right and proper that only individuals who can meet the criteria be allowed to serve in those roles. Does that mean that women should be banned from these jobs? No. However, given the physical differences between men and women generally, we have to accept that a larger portion of men will qualify then women. We should not look at a fire department that consists of 60 men and 8 women as being inherently unfair and discriminatory.
Same vs. equal.
When I came of age, being gay was no where near as accepted as it is today. We were a decided sub-culture living in the demimonde. Thirty or forty years ago there was a much stronger view in the sub-culture that we were experimenting with new ways of living - we were demanding equality, but we were not arguing that we were the same. The free love lifestyle that is often recast as a gay lifestyle by our detractors was anything but respectable.
The AIDS epidemic came along, however, and changed the arrangements.
Today many cities are celebrating 40 years of Pride with parades around the country. Folks are arguing about legalization of gay marriage. The whole dynamic has shifted to a primary focus on "We demand equality because we are just the same." I can't help thinking that by confusing sameness with equality, we are losing something.
Finally, I would like to talk about immigration, heritage, nationality. What is occurring in Arizona is ugly. The laws being put forth in the name of stemming out of control illegal border crossings are simply racist at worst and politically opportunistic at best.
This country has traditionally demanded of its immigrants that if they want equality they must make themselves the same. For the Irish and the Italians and the Poles and the Germans this was simply a question of a name change and the passing of a generation or two in the family before the language of the old country was lost - along with the traditions and history. For our Asian, Hispanic, Native, or African citizens though achieving sameness is physically impossible.
Culturally we now challenge the melting pot assumption and fight for equality without sameness. The backlash ends up looking like Arizona legislation. English only laws. Racial profiling. The emphasis of Christianity (alright and Judaism) against Islam.
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all humanity is created equal...and different. Get over it.
10 comments:
Thank you for writing about this. I so agree, but didn't notice this as you have elucidated--I needed it pointed out to me to think about it; then I realized that it's "obvious." But not so "obvious" that I would talk about it or notice.
Thanks, Jan, it's been buzzing around in my head. I think I have more to say on this topic but I needed to get it down for now. I think I'll flesh it out some more a little later.
I'm having a flashback to a long buried memory. When I was in 2nd grade, I remember the Weekly Reader having a little spread about a day being set aside for some reason I forget to "celebrate playing." So the teacher asked us to "bring our favorite toy for show and tell." I went home thinking to myself that if I did that, everyone in school would discover I did not play with dolls, as my favorite toy at the time was my Tonka Horse Trailer with six horses inside of it.
I chose not to tell my family about the show and tell and chose to bring nothing.
When I got to school, four other kids had "forgotten" to bring something too. We sat in a little group and admitted to each other that we knew we "played differently" than the other kids. Now, to my knowledge, all but one of them ended up straight. But it illustrates the spectrum in gender identity in that at age 7 or 8, we already had awareness that girls were supposed to play with these things, and boys were supposed to play with those things, and to prefer one over the other attracted negative attention.
Yes, Maria, you are a biological heterosexual female with a healthy dose of "masculine" in your identity. Nothing wrong with that.
Nice piece Larry.
I'm not sure I follow where "equal but different" takes you in the gay debate. The fact that many of us want to marry and raise families is ample proof that they, at least, feel "the same" as heterosexuals who want those same things.
This is not affected by the many gay people who feel they belong to a different culture, nor is it affected by the many straights who live different lifestyles.
I think if we dug deep enough into every individual, we'd all be "same" and "different" to each other. When I say "I'm the same" I really mean "I want to be allowed to be as individualistic and as different as you are" and not be pressed into stereotypes and lifestyles that anyone else defines for me.
Erica, I have a problem with the argument that gays and lesbians deserve equal rights because we're "the same" i.e. we're essentially "normal." I have listened to church folk talk about how we should be supporting nice monogamous, certainly not promiscuous and lascivious! gay people. It's a variation on the "some of my best friends are..." rationale. Humans should be free to express their sexuality in any way they see fit - that alone deserves equality. It shouldn't have to be couched in respectability first - BEFORE the culture will grant equality. I don't think we differ terribly on this. You don't want to be boxed in any more than I do.
Renz
We are essentially "normal". But we are also essentially more honest about what that means and that we don't all share the same idea of what constitutes sexual morality.
Straight Christians are a little blind in this respect, but I don't want to bend myself into their value system. The general "behaviour" and lifestyles of straights show as much variety, as much integrity and dishonesty, as you'll find in the gay community.
That's enough for me.
Erika, there's an interesting comment up at Episcopal Cafe - a young 21 year old moaning about the poor show that Pride Parades reflect on the GLBT community. I couldn't have timed it better with this post.
I couldn't find that comment, do you have a link?
Post a Comment