The Importance of Ritual

What I feel may be lacking in the lives of my many atheist friends and family members is a sense of the mystical. Rational thought only can carry us to a certain point - rational thought does not help us process tremendous grief.

Earlier in the day, the vet offered to keep Cosmo alive on the table until I could get there if (as in fact it was the case) they found such disease that I decided not to have them wake him up from the anesthesia.

When I received the call, I realized that what I had to say to Cosmo no longer needed breath in his body. My spirit could speak to his spirit regardless, and so I told them to let him go and that I would be there to collect him within the hour.

When I arrived there was a candle lit at the counter. It is likely that on surgical days, the animals make messes once they are sedated. The candle might very well serve a practical purpose. I still felt that the candle was lit for Cosmo - irrational? who the f*ck cares...

They had him laid out in the back. The vet had a large black plastic bag ready. However, she asked me how I wanted to transport him, did I need her to carry him, did I need some time alone. Tears were streaming down my face, she did her best to reassure me that what we did was the best for Cosmo. I didn't really need to be told, I knew; but the reminder helped. I also knew that there was no way I wanted my dog put into a garbage bag.

I told her we could wrap him in the plastic and then I would wrap him in my coat. I carried him out to the car and gently laid him on the passenger seat. I couldn't bring myself to stop for gas even though the warning light was on. I'll do that tomorrow morning on the way to work.

Once home, I laid him out on the bed and made preparations for what needed to be done. I knew in my heart that I needed to let the ritual unfold. I played some awesome gospel music on the stereo. I lit the three wick candle on the table - thinking of the Trinity as I lit each wick. I moved the ottoman to the open area by the table and covered it with the plastic bag.

Cosmo loved to sleep on the floor in the closet on some old sheets and a quilt. I chose a flannel sheet, folded it up and laid it out on the ottoman. I then placed Cosmo on the sheet as the music played and began sewing him up into the sheet as his shroud.

While I did this, the three other dogs each came over at different times and touched noses with Cosmo. My choice of the ottoman was so that he would be at their height while I prepared him. I have no rational doubt that they came over out of curiosity. However, the symbolism for me, the lone human present remained important. In their own way, they each said good bye.

When he was sewn up in his shroud, I carried him out onto the porch and laid him on the picnic table. I kept the other dogs inside for this next bit as much to keep them from annoying the kittens who had spent the entire day at home thus far as to allow me to stay focused on digging the grave.

I picked the south portion of the lot. I have an acre of land and the south third is wooded with a pathway that winds around that portion of the property. The southern border has a low piled rock "wall." I found a spot up near the wall and began digging.

Chris came over to help me dig. His girlfriend and baby came along and they brought Cedar, Cosmo's favorite buddy. I wanted to have Cedar present for the burial but had been self-conscious about asking. Cora sprinkled some unpopped popcorn into the open grave - sort of a food for the other side gesture. I laid him gently in the grave and covered him up. Chris put Cedar into a "sit" while Cosmo was being settled in. Chris and I then rolled a large stone over the grave and placed some other stones to protect him.

Later in the evening, my other neighbor Heidi and her daughters came over to pay their respects. Cosmo was always filching some of the stale bread Steven brought home from the bakery for the chickens, so I suggested the girls bring some to put on his grave.

We wedged the hunks of bread in between the rocks. Frankie, Zoe and Lola had followed us out to the site. After some sniffing, Lola came over and took a bite from the bread. The other dogs did the same. Those of you who practice a Eucharistic centered faith will see the symbolism as well. Rationally I realize it was simply bread on the ground, but nevertheless their actions spoke of things mystical and irrational.

Things of the spirit need not be rational. They need not be proven true. Their purpose is not about determining factual truth, but rather about seeking an expression of Truth. Peace.