I've decided to give up the Episcopal Church for Lent. My Anglican friends are now feeling a bit shocked perhaps, and I will do my best to try and make them understand. You may have been following the latest rift in the body politic of the Episcopal Church - namely the selection of Kevin Thew Forrester as bishop-elect of the Diocese of Northern Michigan. I have already commented on this below. More information has come to light regarding the weak and flawed process that lead to this selection. I have tried on other blogs to raise some of my concerns only to be swept aside by the sanctimonious fighting between the conservatives and liberals both. I have reached the point at which I quote Shakespeare and Romeo and Juliet, "A pox on both your houses!"
When my mother was in school earning her PsyD degree, she took a class that dealt with racial issues and counseling. The instructor of this course once said something to the effect of choosing to deal with a red neck bigot over a liberal who can't see his/her own racism because at least you knew where you stood with the bigot. I share this as a way to explain my further decision to begin attending Mass at the local Roman Catholic church. Mind you, I'm not suggesting that the Roman Catholic church is openly racist and the Episcopal Church covertly racist. However, if we use the anecdote as a metaphor for what I'm dealing with politically with religion these days, I would rather deal with the Roman Catholic church where they make no bones about their sense of power and control. Where their ugly official stance on some issues is right there in the open.
As for the "liberal that can't see the racism" -- I am very tired of trying to work under a supposed Mutual Ministry model - where we celebrate the Ministry of the Baptized - and yet have seminary trained individuals who covertly impose their power and control, influencing liturgical decisions and secretly scheming to manipulate the diocesan agenda--this while the whole time celebrating how wonderful we are with our Mutual Ministry model.
For now, I'll take the in your face difficulties of the Roman Catholic establishment over the mendacity of the local Episcopalian leaders. However, to my horrified friends who cannot understand how a gay man in his right mind could do this, I would add that the Episcopal Church is not universally welcoming of LGBT folk; I was raised and confirmed in the Roman Catholic church; and, finally, I see myself as an Anglo-Catholic and will remain so wherever I choose to go to experience prayer, liturgy, and community.
5 comments:
You know what? I think you need to go WORSHIP. I have a feeling what you've suffered the most is I have a feeling several issues have affected your worship.
As we discussed earlier, you need time to sort and think and let some things play out. I think the operative word in your post is "swept aside." It is one thing (at least for me) to choose solitude. It is another thing entirely to be swept aside.
Although I have a sense you might be letting other people's politics get in your way a bit, I think maybe the real problem right now is your worship has possibly suffered.
Honestly, I think what you need most right now is to worship...and where you are doing it may be not as big a thing to your friends as you might think. Step back from the politics. Let time let some things play out. But above all, find your worship voice again.
I think healthy faith, and healthy churches, do change and grow.
Unfortunately, change in any organisation can mean politics, and there will always be well-meaning humans who get tangled up in politics accidentally and perhaps more cynical ones who use it in some sort of bid for power. And continuously trying to engage with that process, and getting lost in it, can be tiring and discouraging.
I hope that you find what you need in the relative stability and simplicity of the Roman Catholic establishment.
Of course I don't know you at all, but what I've found from being involved in christianity (I know most major denominations very well and have an interdenominational list of more than 445 members for monastic subjects for many years, and am a monastic myself) and other world faiths (that I also know very well):
people who change denominations and faiths - the problem is with themselves. Those who have inner peace find it anywhere, those who don't will find it nowhere - in no church, faith, country, culture. I suggest to everyone: find yourself first before you look for the perfect utopia on earth, in churches or other institutions.
john
Maria & Song - thanks for your comments, I think you're right, I miss worship very much.
John, thank you for your comments. As I said, I was raised RC, left church altogether, came back to church an Episcopalian in Chicago, attended the same church there for a number of years, moved to the UP 10 years ago and attended the same church until recently. The missioner and Bishop-elect has implemented some major liturgical and theological changes to the dismay of many of the older members, causing lots of turmoil. I am prone to depression/anxiety and don't due turmoil very well hence my dilemma.
My question to you is how do we differentiate between what is in me (the "wherever you go there you are" scenario you wisely share) vs. the frog in the pot situation (i.e., a frog will sit in a pot of water with a slow flame underneath and never recognize that he needs to jump out and will simply boil to death). I'm being serious not sarcastic, John, you raise some valid points.
Well, and that is precisely why you need to find your worship voice again. Right now you don't have it, and I think perhaps over time, WITH your worship voice, it will become clearer.
As we had talked about in previous FB messages, the fact that you have "papers" for your deaconate in TEC has value. Maybe the full value of you being "papered" is not evident yet. Someone once gave me good advice about "think three times before you give up a piece of paper that has value." Right now in your turmoil, its value is uncertain. Which goes back to step 1: Just go worship and become part of it.
We are liturgical worshippers, which means ultimately, "it's all about the table--not necessarily the @#%hole standing behind it." I realize right now the political thing has indirectly affected "your table." But meanwhile...just worship...and concentrate on the table.
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