At first I was going to simply ignore this day after my clever posts on Twitter and Face Book. However, as I stood sipping my coffee letting the dogs outside for like the twelfth time this morning and watching them romp I felt the love in my heart for them and reconsidered. In my New Year's Day post I touched on expectations and I believe this is yet another holiday fraught with unfulfilled expectations. How many folks manage to actually achieve a near perfect Valentine's Day and how many more go to bed tonight disappointed? There are, of course, those who are "ALONE" who are unhappy in that situation who spend the entire peri-Valentine's period feeling neglected and second hand. Then there are the multitudes stuck in unhappy relationships - do they go through the motions today or do they ignore today and underscore their bitterness and anger. We can't forget the newly dating - terrified of doing too much and appearing overly vested or too little and snubbing. The list goes on and on. What has happened, I think, is that in worrying about the symbols of love we have forgotten love on this day. In typical American fashion the day has become quantified into dollars and cents and then measured out carefully against relationships or the lack thereof. Isn't it ironic that such a holiday can, in the end, cause so much sadness?
I stumbled across the valentine above while searching for an illustration for this post. As often happens, I snatched it up and then as I began to write I could see the symbolism that spoke to me. In my other posts on secular monasticm I have stated that part of the gift of singlehood is the unbinding of love that can be shared with a multitude rather than feeling it has to be focused on a single partner. I saw then that this particular image spoke to my sense of love - Cupid on the dove (a lovely symbol of peace) scattering the hearts to the wind to fall where they may.
So as I watched my four dogs romp with the neighbor's dog, Cedar, I felt this profound satisfaction. I live on a maple wooded acre, Cedar's "dad" has about 20 acres, across the road is 120 acres of woods, and my neighbors' that live behind with Chance, Yonka and Zaki, have about 25 acres. The dogs all run and play like a little neighborhood of kids. Chance and Cedar often come over for a visit and hang out with the pack. They are so content in this natural environment where they can be all that they desire as dogs. I love my dogs - they are LIKE my children, though I recognize they are not children. They are dogs, but they are not "only dogs" as some would put it. The love and joy I share with them is canine not human. I am their Alpha and we form a unit. So I choose to reshape this holiday into a canine celebration of love and belonging. How might you reshape this holiday to better reflect all the love in your lives?
Peace, my friends.
3 comments:
Ok, cue the "Twilight Zone" music. I LITERALLY just got finished e-mailing my closest "local secular monastic buddy"about the same thing. He has just in the last year and a half realized he likes his solitude and had been uncomfortably trying to "fit" the square peg of his life in the round hole of romantic partnerships that left him more empty than full.
Here is a little snippet of what I shared with him in the e-mail:
This is not an easy holiday for either of us. Mostly we just roll our eyes and grunt. But it’s also not easy because it is a day that anyone without a romantic partner gets it shoved in his/her face all day. It’s a day that is a reminder we are “different” somehow, and parts of it make us feel lacking.
Well, I just kind of refuse today. After a tough week, I kind of need to take back the things that are real. So I’m going to enlist your refusal.
Sometime today, when you have time to just sit with it, I want you to just make a mental list of people who matter to you. Think on four things:
1. What is it about that person that you “love the most” about them?
2. What is the coolest way they sustain showing their love for you?
3. What is it that best reminds you that there is “real love” there, in whatever form?
4. How is it that you can continue to show your love for them, in a deeper and broader way?
*******
Dude, you and I are doing that "synchronicity" thing again!
There is much in your essay that I agree with, but this holiday has never been linked solely to romance for me. Ever since I was a little girl, my Dad brought home a large candy filled heart for my Mom, my sister and I. He never skipped a year for years and years. I guess once I went off to college it stopped for me because I was away. I know he continued for Mom and Susie. He did the same with Easter corsages. I went to Catholic grade school so I learned the St. Valentine story, I went to an all girls Catholic high school and we celebrated our affection for each other by exchanging Valentines. For me, it has much more meaning than romance.
After 46 years of marriage, there still is romance there. It might not be the same as it once was but it has a new form. It's form fits us.
In your post, I thought of others that might be alone or lonely. I cannot begin to express the love I feel radiating from the young people on my school bus. They express it in smiles, greetings, hand slaps and fist bumps.
There are a number of other drivers that are alone for one reason or another. Their young people, most of whom have yet to be bent by "the system" give them the same love as mine do for me. Just like Renz's pack, I too am the Alpha on my bus, The Yellow Bird, named by the young people.
I was also reminded of a week one summer not too many years ago. The young people at camp were studying the St. Francis Prayer. The group settled on a saying, "It's not about me."
I love you my son, and your dog pack.
PoP
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