I mentioned below that I'm in a strange mood tonight. Stranger still for the decision to blog about it. My mother doesn't understand this "public" sharing that goes on in blogging or Face Book or the other ways we share our thoughts and feelings in this arena. I understand her reservations. I've always been a bit of an open book, however; though at times I fear that that has been my defense mechanism - I have two layers - one the open book layer, where I share more than folks are used to receiving, I tell more intimate stories from my past, I reveal "secrets" to show how "open" I am. Yet the second layer is where the real stuff lies and stays hidden and never gets seen. There's a priest at my church who is big into the Enneagram. In that model I am a "5." link In some versions, a 5 is called "the observer." I believe this is where a lot of my hermity qualities spring from.
So what is my strange mood tonight...it's contemplative, bittersweet, with maybe a touch of sadness, but not depressed or blue in the least. There's even a pinch of giddiness swirling in there as well. This feeling is easily ignored if your life is overfilled or noisy or even shared with another person in the house. However, when you are a secular monastic type you (hopefully) are more into the subtleties of our emotional lives. What is truly interesting about the Internet (esp. Face Book, Twitter, Blogger, etc.) is that in the past I might have read this emotion to be a form of loneliness or boredom - but with my computer link to the world, I sit here knowing PJ is at home in New York doing a crossword puzzle and FBing. Ted is in town here in Marquette awaiting the arrival of his brother. The connection I feel with these people gives me a more defined environment to hold these emotions in my hands as it were and see what they are - I know I'm not lonely and I know I'm not bored so I peel the onion and see what's there.
Bonnie Raitt's song about Louise, the Beatles' song about Eleanor Rigby, supporting characters from movies that I have seen...describing the lonely individual all speak to me for what I have come to believe is that we are all alone in ourselves on this planet. No one ever really understands how we're feeling, no one ever truly knows us. That isolation can be terrifying. Husbands and wives divorce because they expect their spouses to break through the barrier. Individuals will date all sorts of inappropriate men and women to try to smother the feeling. Mothers will give birth to children over and over because the bond between the infant and its mother seems to temporarily break down the isolation - but soon that little one that came out of your body and soul grows and develops and turns into his or her own person and the isolation is back.
Understanding that this is what it means to be a human on this planet is how I live alone. Not WHY I live alone, but how. It's also where my concept of the God that is Love flows from. The only way to transcend this bubble we must live within is to be open to the lives around us. If Lee reads this he will be either angry or sad or both. He won't understand that sometimes enforcing a barrier is the right thing for both individuals. link This link takes you to a piece written by blogger for the Chicago Tribune who belittles Internet social network sites. I think he misses the point or he sees a different use in the younger generation of kids. There's something major going on here in the culture. As we older folks jump on board and reconnect with past friends and schoolmates or communicate with new friends around the globe we are building a new way of relating. The superficiality that he degrades ignores the superficiality that exists in our real world lives. At the hospital where I work there are dozens of people with whom I could have a nice chat or conversation if we could slow down enough to do so - that we only manage to greet each other in the hall or in the cafeteria doesn't discount the relationship because it is superficial. On Face Book I have a full gradation of intimacy with the folks I SuperPoke or give "gifts" to or write messages on their walls. Jenny in New Jersey was someone my baby brother's age who lived next door to us. We live over a thousand miles away and, yet, she's been reading my blog, we've caught up a bit with each other's lives and we now have a way to connect when and if we need to, say if folks will be in town visiting family. Would I ever have picked up the phone to call her even if I had her phone number? No. Should my only contact with people in this world be through my lap top? No. However, remember we are all in our little bubbles of existence and any way we can transcend the isolation to reach out and say, "Hey, man, I love you." is an awesome thing.
So what is my strange mood tonight...it's contemplative, bittersweet, with maybe a touch of sadness, but not depressed or blue in the least. There's even a pinch of giddiness swirling in there as well. This feeling is easily ignored if your life is overfilled or noisy or even shared with another person in the house. However, when you are a secular monastic type you (hopefully) are more into the subtleties of our emotional lives. What is truly interesting about the Internet (esp. Face Book, Twitter, Blogger, etc.) is that in the past I might have read this emotion to be a form of loneliness or boredom - but with my computer link to the world, I sit here knowing PJ is at home in New York doing a crossword puzzle and FBing. Ted is in town here in Marquette awaiting the arrival of his brother. The connection I feel with these people gives me a more defined environment to hold these emotions in my hands as it were and see what they are - I know I'm not lonely and I know I'm not bored so I peel the onion and see what's there.
Bonnie Raitt's song about Louise, the Beatles' song about Eleanor Rigby, supporting characters from movies that I have seen...describing the lonely individual all speak to me for what I have come to believe is that we are all alone in ourselves on this planet. No one ever really understands how we're feeling, no one ever truly knows us. That isolation can be terrifying. Husbands and wives divorce because they expect their spouses to break through the barrier. Individuals will date all sorts of inappropriate men and women to try to smother the feeling. Mothers will give birth to children over and over because the bond between the infant and its mother seems to temporarily break down the isolation - but soon that little one that came out of your body and soul grows and develops and turns into his or her own person and the isolation is back.
Understanding that this is what it means to be a human on this planet is how I live alone. Not WHY I live alone, but how. It's also where my concept of the God that is Love flows from. The only way to transcend this bubble we must live within is to be open to the lives around us. If Lee reads this he will be either angry or sad or both. He won't understand that sometimes enforcing a barrier is the right thing for both individuals. link This link takes you to a piece written by blogger for the Chicago Tribune who belittles Internet social network sites. I think he misses the point or he sees a different use in the younger generation of kids. There's something major going on here in the culture. As we older folks jump on board and reconnect with past friends and schoolmates or communicate with new friends around the globe we are building a new way of relating. The superficiality that he degrades ignores the superficiality that exists in our real world lives. At the hospital where I work there are dozens of people with whom I could have a nice chat or conversation if we could slow down enough to do so - that we only manage to greet each other in the hall or in the cafeteria doesn't discount the relationship because it is superficial. On Face Book I have a full gradation of intimacy with the folks I SuperPoke or give "gifts" to or write messages on their walls. Jenny in New Jersey was someone my baby brother's age who lived next door to us. We live over a thousand miles away and, yet, she's been reading my blog, we've caught up a bit with each other's lives and we now have a way to connect when and if we need to, say if folks will be in town visiting family. Would I ever have picked up the phone to call her even if I had her phone number? No. Should my only contact with people in this world be through my lap top? No. However, remember we are all in our little bubbles of existence and any way we can transcend the isolation to reach out and say, "Hey, man, I love you." is an awesome thing.
2 comments:
Right on! That makes total sense. My husband doesn't understand my need to check in the gang at OCICW or FB. I'm certainly not lonely either, this has added a whole new dimension. I don't think they have paid a lot of attention to what us "older" folks are up, most of the press goes to the kids and MySpace. Ten years ago, we would never have had the opportunity to meet all of these fascination people around the globe.
The re-connecting thing is fun too. Last time I was in the states I had lunch with a woman I haven't seen since High School. We were 2 years apart in school, so were never really friends. Now 30+ years later we find we have so much in common and we had a laughing good time. All because of Facebook.
And...I wouldn't have a cyberfriend, in a cabin, in Michigan!
Well, I'm a 2 but my "wings" are 8 and 5, which also explains my "hermity" behavior b/c in order for me not to burn out on my "twoishness" I resort to 5-type activities.
I was sort of laughing to myself as I read your post tonight b/c this afternoon my priest and I were having one of our notorious "walk and chat debriefing sessions." We get together on a regular basis to take a walk and just chat about whatever is on our minds--it could be church business, or some spiritual concept, or simply to blow off frustration to a person you trust will be confidential. It's good for both of us.
We have been winding around and coming back a lot to the concept of "mindfulness" lately. He knows about a lot of my blogfriends and facebook friends (and even asks how they are doing now and then!) He was saying to me that he has noticed that these activities increase my "mindfulness" in that I am developing a better ability to care about people through them, and to be more open with my "real-time" friends.
He also said this has the potential to increase the mindfulness of my real-time friends b/c they see my connections are beyond the confines of my geography. He used the fact that he asks about some of them by name, like they are right here in town.
So I would agree that these methods of connection have value--real value--and people who rant about us being closeted nerds just simply don't know their butt from a hole in the ground on this topic!
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